My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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