My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
