My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
this is an emotional support booty call
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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