so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
