I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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