I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
