Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
