But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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