He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
