Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
