Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
