can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
