You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
