I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
