Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
