I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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