A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
