you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
