im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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