So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
