i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
