Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
