margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
