question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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