wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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