so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
