WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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