HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
