oh god the rape fog is back!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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