Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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