I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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