At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Alive.
So much puke
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
