I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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