I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize