So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
