Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize