Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
