it hurts more in the daytime
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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