I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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