Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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