she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
