Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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