Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
