batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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