Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
