today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
