Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
