You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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