The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
