Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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