And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
