I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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