im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
