:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
