If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
