Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ok first of all what the fuck
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
