Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
