Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
