I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
