I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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