and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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