threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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