he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
