I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
