my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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