finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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