I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
