1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
