I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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