I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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