I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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