She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
