How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
