I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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